Questions
by Frankenstein-Drag-Queen
Summary: Jesse James is in love with Billy Gunn and decides to let faith decide whether or not he should reveal his feelings for Billy.
1. Questions

Title: Questions.  
  
Author: Kristina Q.  
  
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me sigh but if they did I sure as hell wouldn't complain! giggles  
  
Distribution: Anywhere as long as you ask me.  
  
Warning: Profanity, slash.  
  
Rating: PG-13.  
  
Spoiler: SummerSlam 1998.  
  
Notes: Jesse James POV.  
  
I don't know what it is that makes me feel this way towards him. I never knew I felt like this. I mean I've always known I wasn't straight, but I never even considered the possibility of falling in love with my tag team partner.  
  
He is always so nice to me. He treats me with respect. We always have a great time together. He can always make me laugh. Sometimes he laughs at something that's not even funny, but just listening to his heart-warming laughter just makes me smile!  
  
Maybe that is one of the many reasons that caused me to fall in love with him in the first place. Billy Gunn, the most gorgeous human being on this planet. Watching him when he walks and in the ring. God, he's just irresistible!  
  
Fuck, I'm scared of being around him now! What if I get a fucking hard on? What if he finds out about my feelings for him? What if he leaves me? What if he feels the same way as I do? Fuck, I don't know what to do now.  
  
Should I tell him how I feel? Let him know my deepest secret? My weakness. Hope and pray for him not to leave me.  
  
How will he react? Will he start laughing? Thinking that I'm joking? Thinking that it's just another one of my pranks? Something the kid and me would have planned to make him look like a fool? After all it wouldn't be the first time we'd done that!  
  
Would he be shocked if I told him? Be disgusted and push me away, leaving me begging for him not to go? Fuck, that'll be worst thing that could happen. I'd rather want to stay as his tag team partner than having him reject me completely because of my feelings for him.  
  
What if he accepts the way I feel, but tells me that we can never be a couple. That's probably how he will react. And believe me that's fine with me. I mean, of course I'd rather want him to be in love with me, but if he's not then that's just the way it is. Life goes on.  
  
I just wish I knew how he felt! Some may say ignorance is bliss, but for me it's fucking torture! Being around him almost every day. Talking to him. Even showering with him! That's the worst part of us being a team! I'm always making up stupid excuses to avoid showering with him. I wouldn't want to get hard while I was naked and in the same room as him!  
  
Maybe it would just be the best if I just tried to forget him. Ignore my feelings for him. Though I think it would be impossible. I can't deny my feelings... my love for him. He will probably know eventually anyway.  
  
What about the kid? A few weeks ago he made it pretty clear to me that he feels the same way about me as I do with Billy. I admire Sean's courage. He had kept it a secret for months and finally got the nerve to tell me.  
  
Poor Sean. I had to tell him that we could never be more than just friends. He is my friend. My best friend and I love him like he was my little brother, but that's it. There's nothing more to say about that...  
  
"Are you soon ready for our match?"  
  
Billy's calling now. It's soon time for our match. We have to fight for the titles tonight.  
  
"Yeah, a few minutes and I'm ready."  
  
It's a big day today. I hope we're gonna win the titles again. I think we deserve it. We've worked our asses off for this and I won't let this opportunity go away. I'm gonna do my best. For myself. For the titles. And for Billy. I believe Billy will be doing his best too. I trust him and hopefully he also trusts me.  
  
My heart is beating faster now than usual. I guess it's because of the match. And because of Billy. I love him so much. I don't think I can live without him. I have to tell him.  
  
It scares me. I don't want to lose him. I want to embrace him; feel his warm body close to mine. Inhale his indescribable scent. I wanna feel him. I wanna touch his delicate skin. I wanna taste his exquisite flavor. I wanna love him day and night.  
  
Why can't I just suck it up and go tell him? I'm a fucking pussy!  
  
"Jesse? Are you ready?"  
  
That beautiful voice of his. Enough to cause me to melt.  
  
Maybe I should just let destiny decide whether or not I'm going to tell him. If we win the match tonight then I will tell him!  
  
"I'm ready now..."  
  
Now I just hope that everything will work out for the better.  
  
#######  
  
The End  
  
####### 


	2. Answers

Title: Answers. (Sequel to Questions).  
  
Author: Kristina Q.  
  
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me! Dammit! I really would though!  
  
Distribution: Anywhere you want. Just drop me a line so I can visit :)  
  
Warning: Profanity, male/male slash.  
  
Rating: PG-13.  
  
Couple: Jesse James/Billy Gunn.  
  
Spoiler: SummerSlam 1998.  
  
Notes: Jesse James POV.  
  
Shit!  
  
We won the titles. Billy and me. Tag Team Champions again. I don't have a problem with that at all! I'm overwhelmed. Proud to have the gold again, but... It also means that I need to tell Billy how I feel. I promised myself I'd do it if we walked away with the titles and here I'm sitting in the locker room, glaring at my own reflection in the shiny gold that decorates the belt.  
  
I don't know where Billy went. Probably to Hunter's locker room. I should be there too, but I can't right now. I need some peace before I tell him about my feelings. I'm going to do it! I'm serious! I just need some time to pull myself together. I will do it... eventually.  
  
I close my eyes and sigh as I bury my face in my hands. My heart is pounding violently. Dammit, why does it have to be so fucking hard!  
  
I shouldn't be feeling like this anyway! I'm married and so is he! But that's not the worst part. No. The worst part is the fact that he's a guy! I shouldn't be in love with another man. And definitely not him! He's my best friend and these feelings will only fuck up our friendship!  
  
I can't afford to lose him. I don't WANT to lose him.  
  
I inhale deeply, trying to relax.  
  
"Jesse?" Shit! Frightened, I spin my head and see Billy standing in the doorway. Fuck, I didn't hear him at all! He looks concerned. "You scared the shit outta me!" I say, trying to hide the fear coating my voice.  
  
"I'm sorry. Didn't mean to," he says softly. His voice. Fills my ears like the sweetest music I've ever heard. He takes a few steps, approaching me carefully as he looks at me with worry written all over his face. I hate that look. Makes me feel so damn guilty.  
  
"Are you ok? You look upset," I knew he'd ask me that question and I wish I could answer it, but I'm such a coward! And I honestly don't know what to tell him. I have no idea what will happen when he realizes how I feel.  
  
"I'm fine, don't worry. Just a little shook up from the match. That's all" I try to sound convincing, but I guess I must have failed since he know kneels in front of me, glaring into my eyes. I glance back at him. Those wide blue eyes! I'm lost. Trapped by his eyes. God, I just wanna kiss him right here and now, but I can't.  
  
He puts his hand on my thigh, his fingers feeling so warm, so comforting. I can practically feel my cheeks blushing now. "We've got the titles now. There's no need to worry anymore" I can't take this anymore. The way he looks at me. It's painful. His eyes so full of concern. I can feel tears prick behind my eyes.  
  
Quickly I stand and move a few steps away from him, blinking many times to hold back the tears. Not many seconds later he is standing behind me. He hesitates for a moment and then soothingly places his hand on my shoulder and I instinctively turn back to face him. And instantly regret doing so.  
  
"Jesse what's wrong? Is it something I've said or done? Please tell me..." his eyes are pleading with me and I'm tempted to tell him everything, but something inside of me can't do that. Can't do what I have to do!  
  
I shake my head, not speaking a word. I'm on the verge of crying now and I know if I say anything then I'll start crying. I don't wanna cry in front of him. He's the reason why I feel like shit now! But he is also the only person who can make me feel on top of the world! He is my strength and my weakness! My addiction and obsession.  
  
And he doesn't even know!  
  
I'm surprised he hasn't noticed anything at all. I try to hide my feelings as good as I possibly can, but I'm not very good at it. I have a feeling that everyone knows it except for Billy... Even though it's pretty damn obvious.  
  
"Awww, man, you know I can't stand when you're like this!" he looks at me with glassy eyes. Is it me or does it look like he's about to cry? No, it's probably just me... He can't be.  
  
"I'm sorry, Billy. I didn't mean to make you worried," I rub my temple and try not to look at him. I feel so guilty now... He sighs, "It's ok... Come here" he opens his arms, allowing me to come closer and hug him. I come willingly. Drawn to him like a moth is being drawn to a flame. I feel like I'm being healed when he's hugging me. Pressed against his warm body. Savoring every single second of it.  
  
I could stay like this forever. Wrapped in his embrace. His strong arms holding me tightly. Safely. Inhaling his indescribably sweet scent. Feeling his soft silky hair tickle my cheek and neck. Sending tiny sparks of joy throughout my entire body.  
  
I don't want to let go of him. Ever... No matter what hap- I'm being distracted from my own thoughts when I suddenly feel something that suspiciously feel like Billy's lips brushing along a curve of my neck! What the hell was that? Did he just...? He... kissed me! He fucking kissed me! What the hell?  
  
Startled, I can't help but push myself out of his embrace. I can't move or speak. I just glare at him, my heart is beating faster than I thought it possibly could! I can't believe what just happened! He kissed me!  
  
I struggle desperately to say something coherent, but all I manage to is a strangled version of his name. "Shit!" his voice is full of fear and he backs away from me, "I didn't mean to... I-I..." he swallows, his hands visibly trembling.  
  
"What the hell was that?" I finally manage to say, my voice sounding pitifully low. Billy seems to be scared as hell. Not that I blame him since he knows nothing about how I feel. "I'm so sorry! Please... just forget this ever happened, ok?" now he's on the edge of tears again! A huge knot is forming in my gut! This is unbearable...  
  
"I don't want to forget it!" it just slips out of my mouth and we're both caught off guard. He tilts his head quizzically at me, "What?"  
  
I try as hard as I can to keep control of my own actions, but I can't anymore. I need him too much! Without any further hesitation I close the distance between us and claim his lips in a soft kiss. Everything seems to be erased. Nothing exists. Just him and me. His moist lips against mine.  
  
I withdraw as quickly again, leaving him in complete shock. Nothing happens. No real reaction. He is frozen. And for a moment I think I may have done something seriously stupid. Until he move back close to me, cupping my cheek in his hand and our lips are pressed together again.  
  
The kiss starts out very cautiously, almost curious but soon grows more passionate and I part my lips slightly, allowing him to explore me with his tongue. I can feel a tickling feeling when he runs his tongue over the roof of my mouth. I reach my hand around his neck, tangling my fingers in his long blond hair.  
  
I feel his free hand travel down my side along the mountains and valleys of my ribs and ends up resting on my hip. I moan into him as he begins tracing little circles with his thumb over my hipbone. The kiss is everything I've ever dreamt of. Taken out of a fairy tale. Our fairy tale. And he's my knight in shining armor. And guess what. He just swept me off my feet and carried me into the sunset! Or at least it feels that way.  
  
I run my hands down his back and settle my hands on his firm ass, gently caressing it, earning a groan from him as he deepens the kiss a little more.  
  
When we break the kiss we're both gasping for breath, still in each other's arms. I rest my forehead against his and look into his deep ocean blue eyes. His lips curl upwards into a shy smile and I return the smile.  
  
I can feel that my hands are quivering. Why didn't he tell me he felt this way all the time? Why didn't I tell him how I felt? I feel so stupid... All this time and I never noticed? I tighten my grip around his warm body, resting my cheek on his shoulder.  
  
I'm tempted to ask him why he never told me. How we could both be so damn stupid? If this means anything? If it will change our friendship? What will happen from now on? So many questions I thought I needed an answer for. But right now it all seems unnecessary. Being in his arms is answer enough for me!  
  
I still need to get an answer for those questions. It's inevitable. But it can wait. I don't want to spoil the moment. Disturb the sudden peace I've found. A peace I thought I'd never find. And yet it was there all along. I just needed to reach out for it and grab it! Reach out for him. And believe me I'll never let go again!  
  
#######  
  
The End  
  
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End file.
